Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
