Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you had me at cake vodka
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize