Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
