Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize