So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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