I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
