You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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