Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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