yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize