the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
