I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
...so i touched it.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
