Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
