I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
they call him Oral-B. enough said
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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