I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There's always time for handjobs
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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