I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
