and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
