If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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