I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize