i don't like sucking hair
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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