And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
