Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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