Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
