At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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