This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
