i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
