I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize