He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
