When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
