This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
