he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
