so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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