just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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