Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
