No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just puked most of my soul out..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
