dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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