Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
