I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Even my vagina gasped.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
