I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
