It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
