i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize