I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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