Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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