wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
