I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize