my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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