Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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