make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
