Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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