doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
