she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize