is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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