On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
