I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
