Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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