I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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