cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
