you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
