I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize