i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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