i think my tv is drunk
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
