For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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