where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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