How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
