Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
