That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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