how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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