So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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