fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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