I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
